by Dotti Templeton
...the wind always wins.
The Unity Candle ritual has been a favorite of many couples as a way to celebrate their becoming one in marriage during their wedding ceremony. For the uninitiated, the custom is for the bride and groom to each light one larger candle from their individual tapers. Sometimes the tapers are lit by the couple's moms. This custom, although traditionally Christian, has become popular in interfaith and secular weddings as well. The officiant, (that would be me) says a few words to accompany the ceremony.
Anyway, the ritual started in churches...places that are usually pretty still, so the candles always held their flames and the symbolism was never lost on the couple and their guests. As time went on and couples got creative and moved their ceremonies outdoors, they took their candles with them.
Unlike the controlled environment of a church, the great outdoors is ruled by Mother Nature. Now, she likes weddings as much as the next guy, but she has a sense of humor and so many other important events to consider (like the wishes of sailors and the growth of flowers) that sometimes by pleasing one constituent, she messes up the plans of another.
At a wedding, rain is easy to deal with...we go inside or hide under a tent. We say things like "Happy is the bride the clouds rain upon." Breezes and wind are another matter. We generally try to tough it out and stay outdoors even though chairs are blowing over and the bride's gown is flying up in the air. There's just something about us humans that makes us determined to beat the wind.
Well, tough as we may be, candles don't always share our enthusiasm for outdoor weddings. You can see where I'm going with this. If you have your heart set on lighting the Unity Candle outdoors, I'm going to try to talk you out of it. Aside from the controlled laughter that you hear behind your backs every time the candle blows out, you risk setting yourselves, or at least your blowing veil, on fire unless it's completely still. And even when everything is calm, you never know when a gust will drift by, snuffing out not only your flames, but your symbolism.
So what was supposed to symbolize two lives joining as one, winds up being one life joining as one, or two lives not joining as one, or no lives at all. When this happens, I say a little piece about how this is reflective of marriage...how you don't always know what's going to happen next but you learn to support each other and roll with it. Unfortunately, that's not usually the message the couple was trying to convey; it's an obvious save at best. I haven't been able to come up with a good save for the bride's veil going on fire, though.
So if you want a ceremony outdoors, there are many other beautiful, meaningful rituals you can consider. You're sure to find one that will say what you want it to say and you won't have to spend the night before your wedding glued to The Weather Channel.
Dotti Templeton, Wedding Officiant
www.Poetic-Ceremonies.com
Westchester County, NY
